I'm not ready.

I am in no way ready for school to start. I'm sure you all feel the same way. I'm sure we're all still recovering from last year, I know I am. I'm not ready for the stress, anxiety, tears, frustrations this year will bring.

Sometimes I think that all the bad stuff outweigh the good parts of school, but then I'll hang out with my friends and we'll have a great time, then I think maybe it isn't so bad. High school is not going to be the best four years of your life. Most likely anyway.

High school is going to feel more like an audition for college. It's going to feel like too much all at once. I know that that's how it felt for me. I know its scary. I'm still scared. I am absolutely terrified of my senior year of high school. I'm scared about not getting into the "right" college. I'm scared about messing up in the last home stretch. I'm scared that maybe everything I've done isn't enough. I think the last part scares me the most.So to my fellow seniors, we can do this, we can survive it. We're almost done. We've had a 100% survival rate so far. College apps, crazy schedules, friend drama, it's all survivable. I have to remind myself of that. So I'm reminding you of that. Because sometimes all we need is someone to tell us that we can. And trust me you can do this. Don't let stats get you down, don't let grades make you feel like your less of a person. You are you. That can't be defined with numbers and grades. My advice to you, and myself, is that you are in charge of your life so take control and steer yourself where you want to go. Don't let someone tell you that you can't do something. Don't let people tear you down, or try and tell you what you should do. At the end of the day your the one who has to live with the life you create, so create an awesome one. Don't apologize for making choices that make you happy and will help keep you happy for years to come.

 Maybe you're scared about starting high school, maybe you're scared about taking your first AP class, maybe you're scared about making new friends, maybe you're scared about not fitting in, maybe you're scared of disappointing someone. Let me tell you right now that no matter what your anxious about, you'll survive it. It might suck for a really long time.But that doesn't mean you won't survive, you will and you will go on to better things. If you stay organized, you can survive AP classes. If you work your butt off, you will get the grades you deserve. If you put yourself out there, chances are you will meet people who are like you. Don't be angry or sad if you don't find people at first or if you can't find a "real group" of friends. You'll find your people eventually. Try some new things, you might be surprised at where your happiest. That's the other thing, surround yourself with good people.

You'll need good friends, not flaky unreliable people, in your corner. If you don't fit in because your "weird" or "nerdy", fuck everybody else. You just need to be yourself and happy in your skin. High school sucks, its terrible, but don't let the people and the place force you to change. The things people might think are "uncool" now, are the eccentricities someone else with think are awesome, are the things that will make you stand out. After all who wants to be boring carbon copy, leading a boring, vanilla life? Not me. If there's one thing I wish I could have told myself as a freshman is that "You will survive and be okay. Maybe even better than okay". So i'll tell you guys that. Somewhere down the line you'll realize that you turned out okay and that your life will turn out okay too.

Mental illness is a thing that a lot of people struggle with. I can't count how many people have talked to be about depression, anxiety, suicidal thoughts, etc. They were all afraid to talk about it and I hate that they felt so afraid to talk about it because of the stigma attached to it. Mental illness is a disease. Not something to run away from, or pretend doesn't exist. From my experience music is a great help when things suck and when they don't. It's okay to have bad days, and sometimes your going to have more bad days than good ones. It sucks but remember that the sun at some point will come out and because you've survived dark nights, scary nights, lonely nights, you will appreciate the sun. Talk to someone if you can, and if you don't have someone, talk to me. If not there are plenty of online resources that will help you out: 7 Cups of Tea, IMAlive.

School will most likely get crazy. The people in it are little bit bonkers. And that's okay. But this year I want all of you to take care of yourselves and remember to make yourselves a priority amidst all the chaos. I know I'm going to make more of an effort to do that this year. I always start these open letters with an idea of what I want to say but then I write them and the just end up being mini rambles. As per usual this is also all over the place, but I really want to wish you guys luck this year.

Here's what I've learned from surviving three years of the crazy jungle that is high school

• It's not worth it to be "cool"
• Don't apologize for who you are but accept when you are in the wrong.
• Don't be afraid to make mistakes and try new things. 
• Put the work into school. It's your ticket out and your key to open doors to places you want to go. 
• Education is one thing that no one will be able to take away from you. Take advantage of your classes and learn as much as humanly possible. 
• Playlists will be the soundtrack of your experiences. 
• Being alone is not a bad thing. It's important to know how to be alone. 

Remember that some days are going to suck, but hold on to the ones that are amazing. Pay attention to the moments you feel on top of the world. Those are the ones that count. Remember and enjoy the little things because those small details can make your memories and life all the more richer. Keep in mind that education is important even if you decide not to go to college ( and if you do want to go to college it's helpful to start looking into the application process early).

Here's to us. Here's to a new school year. Lets be awesome and kick ass this school year.


Stay Gold,

Student Survival Guide

School can be the source of a lot of stress, anxiety, and other not so pleasant emotions. School can become crazy and that craziness can be a defining part of your life as a student. Since I am a senior this year I figured I know a thing or two about dealing with all the crazy. So here are some tips and tricks to help you survive school, maybe even thrive. Today I'm going to talk about tests, friends, orginization and other random stuff.

Back To School Series:
Day One:Back to School: Books and Movies
Day Two: Mixtape Monday + Organization
Day Three: Student Survival Guide
Day Four: Goals For the 2015 School Year
Day Five: Cute Hair Styles
Day Six: Open Letter To Students

Random Tips:

• Don't try and be cool and fit in. It's not worth it. Just be you and find people you can be you around. That "cool" circle is not as awesome as it seems. 
• Makes lots and lots of playlists! Trust me it's cathartic and helpful. Plus they're awesome when you do have to work late. 
• Dress in what makes you feel comfortable and happy. 
• For me that means dressing up, wearing skirts and dresses and all that jazz. If you feel like you look good, you'll feel good. What you wear affects how you act. 
• Takes a lot of pictures. Trust me when you feel nostalgic you'll want to look through some pics.
• Say yes to going out with friends. Even if you don't feel like going out, it usually ends up being worth it. 
• Follow some Studyblrs on tumblr (if you have one). They post a lot of helpful things plus it's motivating to see other people get so intense about studying! Plus they have lots of stuff to help you get orginized. 
• I follow: Studivation, Lil Study Corner, Me Learning to Study, Study Blog, The Orginized Student
• Follow my tumblr here
• Always have perfume and deordorant handy. Trust me this is just a necessity.
• Don't be afraid to put yourself out there. A lot of the memories that make me smile or laugh started because I decided to ignore my shyness and anxiety and just go for it. 
• Youtube has a lot of tutorials for everything you need. Use 'em.
• Crash Course is crazy helpful!
• You can often find power points or outlines for textbooks here. I find them really helpful!
• Don't join a billion clubs because you think it looks good for colleges. 
• Join a select few that you feel the most passionate about.,
• Maybe even start one.
• Always have a person you can talk to.
• I can not stress how important this is. There are going to be days that suck so much thats it's impossible to bear it all on your own.
• It can be a friend, a sibling, a parent, or a therpist. It's important to have someone to listen to you vent and offer some advice without being judgemental
• Priotoize your health first,then your relationships, then school. 
• How to be a Happier Person
• Let's talk about health
• This post has some meditation stuff for those of us with anxiety! It's super helpful!
• Have lazy days.
• These are vital for mental health. It's important to set aside time for yourself.
• Reward yourself after a test or at the end of a project or just because.
• Watch some movies, read a book, eat some brownies, bake some cookies, stay in your P.J's all day,

Ten Tips For Writing Personal Statements

I'm no expert, I don't really know what i'm doing but I thought I would share some tips that have helped me while writing personal statements. And actually I have to credit the majority of this list to friend of my sisters who was helping me not to freak out whenever I brought this up. Hopefully you'll find some of these tips helpful and useful :)

1. Make a list of possible themes, topics, memories etc. This is a great starting point for you to expand on, or just have a general idea of how you want your essay to look like. 
2. Make t-charts. Now I don't mean outline the entire essay, but you totally can if you want to. What i've been doing is picking different topics I want to talk about and slowly expanding on them so that I have an array of things to talk about and mention. I like doing this because it provides structure and helps me get an idea of where I want to mention things and how I want to go about it. 
3. Have a cute notebook. Maybe this is just me but I love going shopping for school supply stuff so i'll jump at an opportunity to buy a notebook and pen. Plus it's a nice motivator to push you to write and plan.
4. Do: Word Dumps. One thing that has definitely helped me is just writing whatever it is I want to write about in that moment and just write. It might suck but at least you now have a starting point from which you can only grow. Plus it's nice to just say everything you can think of in one go because it allows you to have an idea of what this section might sound like. 
5. Set aside time everyday. Just spending 20 min a day writing or planning or just trying to figure out the prompts helps. This most important part of this essay is your voice. You have to find it and make sure it's infused in your essay. The second most important thing is revision. You need to dedicate time to get both of those things done.
6. Find a peer/teacher/person to help you edit. As I just mentioned in number five, revision is important and more often than not a fresh pair of eyes is helpful if not integral top this process.
7. Killer playlists. I swear music just makes things so much better. If your are frustrated you can take a five minute dance break, or maybe you can find a song that reminds you of a moment in your life. Or maybe it just stops you from wanting to throw everything you've written out the window.
8. Don't be afraid to be personal. Sometimes you need to share personal experiences to show people who you are. You don't have to share everything, but don't be afraid to share some personal things. It helps you seem like a real person and helps keep your voice stable and genuine.
9. Write this as if you were writing a story. This helps me become more invested in writing it and in turn makes my essay easier to read. Instead of it being a stiff boring essay, you can add life with metaphors and jokes and memories. You shouldn't lose the structure, you just need to make your voice shine when writing your essay.
10. Make every word count. Don't't just write something to write it, make sure every sentence helps show your voice and answer the prompts.
11. Just breath and remember that you are more than the words you write down. It can get pretty overwhelming trying to fit your life, your entire being into a word limit. So just breath and do your best and give yourself time to do your best. So just breath and if things don't work out one day, come back the next day with new ideas and fresh perspectives. It's important that even though this is such a long process, you just need to take it step by step.

So what are your tips or tricks for writing personal statements?

Book Talk: Love and Profanity by Nick Healy

Release Date: March 1, 2015
Book: Love and Profanity
Author: Various, the books was put together by Nick Healy
Number of Pages:232
Series: No

The Basics:Here are more than forty short, brilliant, and unforgettable true stories from writers famous and on-the-rise. Here is the intensity of daily life. Here are transformative moments arising from the mundane. Here are strange and surprising tales that tap into universal truths. Here are teenagers in full splendor and horror. Here they are, bursting with love and profanity. 

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My Musings:

So this book. You got to admit the cover looks super rad, with the tongue and the piercing. The title is really cool plus the fact that these are short stories from writers about their life. I thought for sure that this was going to a fast, amazing read that I would get to fangirl about. I was wrong.

Maybe this is me. Maybe the book itself is really good but I just can't see it. I wanted so much to love it and be a fan. I tried to look for hidden meanings and symbolism to try and make the mundane seam amazing. and not at all boring. I felt like a lot of the stories were just too bland for me. A lot of them were really short with no real meaning or anything I could take away other than "bro that's awkward" or "What? Than's it?". I'm used to short stories having plots and all of these stories had simple plots, like getting nauseous easily, having sex for the first time. That's not to say they were bad, they just didn't capture my attention and if they did get they let me down a little bit.

There were some cute "love" stories here and there that I really like. But to be honest I feel like if I wanted to know what a first date was like, or how much someone liked someone else I could talk to my friends about it. For me this was all too mundane and I didn't really see the so called "transformative moments" in every story. But I think that to the right person at the right time, this could be an amazing book to read, but it just wasn't it for me.

There were a couple stories that I really liked. Like the one about a girl walking to her dads house. I didn't really get all of it, but I liked it. I also liked the one about the guy who didn't drink. There were cool not mundane stories in here it's just that most of them are about day to day life and for me, a person who reads to experience life in a different not boring way, this book wasn't for me. I wanted desperately to see the profound meanings behind the stories but I just couldn't see them. That's not to say they weren't well written, I just didn't always like the subject matter, or the simplicity of it all.

The over writing structure of the stories was good. The way they were put together were good. The only thing for me was the subject matter. I felt like it was lacking some depth but mostly I just didn't find some of the stories intriguing.

My Rating:

Coffee for this book: Cappuccino. That espresso will help you keep reading.

Motivational Monday #5

So I am not dead. But i'm very sorry that I've not been posting. I blame school and testing. But now that summer's started I will be posting on schedule :) Okay but enough about me.

So this is probably the nostalgia talking, but I picked this quote because this summer is the last summer I have to just be, next year i'll be picking out a bean bag for my dorm in college and  I will be figuring out my classes and I would have said goodbye to my favorite teachers and my friends. It's more than a little scary. But with all the day dreaming about the future comes the nostalgic, sometimes tear filled glimpses into the past. This includes me cleaning out papers and binders and folders from high school and middle school. Yes I am a pack rat. And I found little notes and quotes and random little writings. I kept them. Mostly because it's nice to remember the stupid things we talked about, or the stupid boys we all liked, and the not stupid quotes that I still love. And maybe I realize that they aren't that stupid. These tiny things made me happy. These tiny things made me remember when my friend and I went to yogurtland without parent permission and ran all the way back to her apartment only to find my mom waiting for me... It made me remember about how my friends and I would sit in a circle and talk about our lives. About how we would fangirl about TVD, Once Upon a Time, Reign, etc. About how we've been sitting at the same bench for three years. And how we have one more year filled with more tiny memories that will stay with me like the post its I found in my freshman year binder.

I guess what i'm trying to say is that life moves fast and you have to look back sometimes and remember the good stuff, the happy stuff, and sometimes (most of the time) you have to notice the small things because they tend to be the more important things. I mean do you think i'm going to remember what I got on my chapter ten test in AP U.S History, Probably not. But I'll probably still remember how my friend drew me a starbucks frap with my name spelled very, very wrong, because I complained about how starbucks people can never spelled my name right. Yet  at the time my grade mattered infinitely more than the post it. So enjoy the small things, the things you might not find important at the time, the things that make you smile during the day. Because when it's all said and done those are the thing you remember and want to remember.

Letter to December #6

Dear December, 

It's currently 11:30 pm and i'm very tired. It'll be tomorrow by the time you get this. I'll be at school, trying not to fall asleep, desperately clinging to my consciousness because I have in class writing, tests, and last minute teaching going on. 

School is crazy and quite frankly i'm really done with it. I know I have Winter break in less than two weeks, but right now amid all the cramming and bad teachers, I'm starting to freak out and wanting to just stop and take a breather. But as my APUSH teacher said this morning, "Now is the time to push yourself".

So here I am with no tea, not on my bed, and with no blankets or sweater near me. I'm not happy. I know it all be over soon, and I'll look back at this and just be glad I was able to say I survived. But until then I'm stuck in a circle of procrastination, going to bed late, napping, procrastination. Fun.

As much as I love you December, you also tend to bring the hardest weeks into my life. With finals and dealing with relatives on Holidays. But I just have to remember that some rough moments have to balance out all the hot chocolates, candy canes, presents, and all around festive cheer. I guess it's like they say, December, you need to have some bad to balance out the good. I think it's a good trade off, or at least I do once i'm on break. 

But for now it's time for me to go to bed and try to not hate myself in the morning for my poor life choices. Thankfully I have Christmas music on repeat and working on my master playlist! You can't ever really be sad while listening to christmas music, you know? 

Love Always, 

Blogtober: Teaser Tuesday

"The tears finally slow and I feel really good for someone who just got my faced smashed in" (pg. 100)

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Teaser Tuesday is hosted by Should be Reading

Blogtober: Dear Younger Me

Hey. Hows elementary school going? How's long division coming? If it's not going to well, it's okay, you'll end up using a calculator anyways. What about english? Still writing 6 page essays? Good. It's nice isn't it, writing. I'll tell you a secret, you end up writing more as you get older and *whispers* you even run a blog!!! Amazing I know! Enjoy being in the single digits while you can. Run free and be crazy. Let your imagination run the world around you, reality can wait, when you're this young. I know, I know, you're not "young", but a few years from now, you'll agree. Just don't try to be older than you are. Just stay what you are. You're not too old to play pretend. You're not too old to play hide and seek. So go ahead and just be you're elementary school self!

Middle School. It sucks. I know. And you know what, it doesn't really get much better. You do meet some pretty cool people though. So even if middle school life sucks, just remember you have people. I know you're sad right now. And it's a scary sad. I know that life isn't what you want it to be, and that sometimes you don't know what to do with yourself, and I know this sounds like B.S but just smile because you'll be okay. Maybe a little scarred, a little charred, but okay. I know that right now you probably don't feel like enough. But you are. I promise. It's hard for you to feel that you are, but just keep telling yourself that because one day you'll look in the mirror and believe it. So life sucks now. But don't forget you have people. You have really awesome friends. Some pretty cool siblings. You'll survive and maybe not be wiser, but definitely stronger.

The beginning of high school sucked. I know. I've been there. You were a shy girl thrown into a place where being social is essential to survival. And sometimes people suck and they ignore you, when all you're doing is being nice and three years later you still kind of hold a grudge. And that's okay. That's high school for you. I know you're waiting for some great friends, and that waiting really sucks and whoever says they don't mind it, is lying. Patience is a virtue but it can also be torture waiting. It'll be worth it though. You're friends are awesome. I know you had to leave your old friends, but those who really loved you and whom you loved are still friends with you. Whoever says otherwise is lying to you. So be weird, crazy, wild even, you'll find people who will accept you. Word of advice though, forgive people, but don't forget what they did, it's important to know where you can place your trust.

Alright young me. It's time for future you to get back to her life. The life that is pretty much not what you wanted as a 6 year old, or what you thought high school life would be like when you were in 7th grade. 9th grade me. You got it right, for the most part. Yes, I still go to BHS and no, I did not end up taking 6 AP classes, I'm taking 4. Life is not like the movies. High school especially. And that's okay. You're working hard to get where you want to be. Don't ever be sorry for that.

Love Always,

Blogtober: Waiting on Love and Other Variables

Release Date: October 7, 2017
Charlie Hanson has a clear vision of his future. A senior at Brighton School of Mathematics and Science, he knows he’ll graduate, go to MIT, and inevitably discover solutions to the universe’s greatest unanswered questions. He’s that smart. But Charlie’s future blurs the moment he reaches out to touch the tattoo on a beautiful girl’s neck. 
The future has never seemed very kind to Charlotte Finch, so she’s counting on the present. She’s not impressed by the strange boy at the donut shop—until she learns he’s a student at Brighton where her sister has just taken a job as the English teacher. With her encouragement, Charlie orchestrates the most effective prank campaign in Brighton history. But, in doing so, he puts his own future in jeopardy. 
By the time he learns she's ill—and that the pranks were a way to distract Ms. Finch from Charlotte’s illness—Charlotte’s gravitational pull is too great to overcome. Soon he must choose between the familiar formulas he’s always relied on or the girl he’s falling for (at far more than 32 feet per second squared)

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Why do I want to read it?

I'm such a sucker for a good love story! I already love the tittle and the cover and the summary sold me! This book seems cute and the plot seems to have depth. 

Waiting on Wednesday is hosted by Breaking the Spine

Study Tips

Book Talk: The Isobel Journal

Release Date: August 13, 2014
Book: The Isobel Journal
Author: Isobel Harrop
Number of Pages:210
Source: Netgalley (Note: I got this in exchange for an honest review)

The Basics:THE ISOBEL JOURNAL is no ordinary snapshot of a contemporary teenage life. A charming and vivid narrative scrapbook of the eighteen-year-old author's sketches, mini-graphic novels, photographs and captions, it captures her wit, her observations and her creative talent as she takes us through the three central themes in her life: 'Love', 'Friends, Art and Otters' and 'Me'.