Dear December,

There's a certain something that comes with the end of things. It could be that you just stop caring. It could be that you're in a rush to prove yourself. That's pretty much what finals feel like. This week, December, so many students embark on a journey that can pretty much leave you dead;finals week. Not fun. You see as much as I love you December, you bring around one of the most stressful times of the year. 

Okay so in my defense the internet is a pretty distracting place, but I've been majorly procrastinating on my studying. Maybe it's the Christmas-y feeling in the air, the inebrating amounts of junk food, or the Disney music i've been playing non-stop, but i'm not worried yet. My finals start on Tuesday so i'm waiting to notice the walls closing in on me. I'm waiting to freak out and have the "Holy Shit" moment. You know the one. The one where you're dumbfounded by you're a) own stupidity b)the pressure to do well. This is where some people just have a fuck it moment, and where others, like me cram, 

I know cramming doesn't help, but It's my comfort blanket. I can't not cram for things. Thankfully Disney music has kept me calm (for now) and somewhat happy. I mean you can't not be happy when you'r listening (and singing) "Zero To Hero" or "Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious" or "Hakuna Matata". You just can't. That probabaly why I listen to it during finals. I have to keep myself somewhat content and together. I can lose it after. I should take a hint from Timon and Pumba and just chill out. But I doubt that I could ever just live by Hakuna Matata, I worry to much. 

I worry. So I plan and plan. But then I don't stick to that plan so I worry and try and plan some more. Usually by like the third circle I got it, and I somewhat know what i'm doing. It just takes some last minute pressure to get me to that point. Which is pretty much where I am right now.

December wish me luck, I'll need it.

Love always,

Letter to December #6

Dear December, 

It's currently 11:30 pm and i'm very tired. It'll be tomorrow by the time you get this. I'll be at school, trying not to fall asleep, desperately clinging to my consciousness because I have in class writing, tests, and last minute teaching going on. 

School is crazy and quite frankly i'm really done with it. I know I have Winter break in less than two weeks, but right now amid all the cramming and bad teachers, I'm starting to freak out and wanting to just stop and take a breather. But as my APUSH teacher said this morning, "Now is the time to push yourself".

So here I am with no tea, not on my bed, and with no blankets or sweater near me. I'm not happy. I know it all be over soon, and I'll look back at this and just be glad I was able to say I survived. But until then I'm stuck in a circle of procrastination, going to bed late, napping, procrastination. Fun.

As much as I love you December, you also tend to bring the hardest weeks into my life. With finals and dealing with relatives on Holidays. But I just have to remember that some rough moments have to balance out all the hot chocolates, candy canes, presents, and all around festive cheer. I guess it's like they say, December, you need to have some bad to balance out the good. I think it's a good trade off, or at least I do once i'm on break. 

But for now it's time for me to go to bed and try to not hate myself in the morning for my poor life choices. Thankfully I have Christmas music on repeat and working on my master playlist! You can't ever really be sad while listening to christmas music, you know? 

Love Always, 

Letter to December #5

Dear December,

Sometimes you don't even realize how fast time goes until your standing and wondering where exactly it went. You kind of snuck up on me. I was just minding my own business thinking the end of the year was so far off, but in reality its not. Now I can feel the pressure to do well on my finals even more than I did last year. I'm kind of freaking out. 

It's starting too feel more and more christmas-y everyday. My family and I put up our Christmas Tree on Saturday. I decorated it with my mum, while everyone else slacked off. That's okay, I don't mind. Decorating is one of my favorite things. Once I finished the tree I put up tinsel and lights and ornaments and wreaths all around the living room. I went a little crazy. But I do that almost every year. I decorated my room as well. I have a mini Christmas tree, Christmas lights up with ornaments hanging them as well as tinsel. I LOVE IT. 

Isn't this beautiful! Lol this isn't mine, i'll put up a pic soon!

Everything is moving by so fast December, I don't know how to hold on to anything anymore. It seems the more I cling to my memories of yesterdays the faster time escapes me. I guess that just means I have to be more focused on the here and now. Like I was yesterday when I was trying to make it seem like Christmas threw up in my house. I even changed my screen saver to a Christmas print thing.
I was caught in the moment, letting life engulf me, letting Christmas thoughts whirl around my head. Maybe I should listen to Elsa and let go a little bit. 

Love Always,