Dear December,

It feels like a long time since I last talked to you but it's only really been a week and a half. And how eventful was that week and a half. I volunteered to put together care packages for families in need, I took my finals, I went Christmas present shopping, I went to Disneyland. It's been great! Let me tell you this month has been a whirlwind of craziness and it's not even over yet.

For the past four years I've been part of a club that allows it's members to give back to it's community. This is really important to me. Every year since I've been a part of it I've been part of our holiday drive. It's our biggest event and my personal favorite. While our packaging day is long and crazy it's so worth it. That day was a really long day but it was great to be able to give back and do something meaningful. After packaging was over I went to my little brother's bad concert which was great except he missed the first song because he was late. *shakes head*. He's had a run of bad luck recently. But once he showed up on stage, he did really well. 

I've now been to Disneyland a total of three times; once when I was too young to remember, once when I went with my middle school band, and once last Friday. I think there's something to be said about feeling an infinite sort of moment. The entire day felt like a dream. I went on roller coasters and little kiddie rides and I felt really happy. I loved being able to be a kid and have fun without a regard about what comes next. That's what I love about you, December, I have the liberty to be as childish as I wish and be happy within that scope. I can be crazy about my holiday decorating, I can wear a a whipped cream mustache without being embarrassed, I can find the joy in the little details and smile like a dork. December is a time where you can look back and be happy about the year you've had, the past years you've lived, and find your inner kid amidst all the holiday cheer. 

I'm listening to Christmas music and i'm freaking out about college apps. With one chapter of my senior done and sealed with the end of my exams it's bloody insane to think that I'm at the end of my high school career. While high school is not something I would willingly relive, it's still bittersweet to be at the end, about to leave. Finals, as usual were stressful, but there was a new tinge of finality to these exams that made me both REALLY happy and sort of sad. 

A week and a half. That's all it took to end a chapter, to start a new one, to go to the happiest place on earth. December, you've been good to me, so thanks.

Love always,

Letters To December #1

Dear December,

Life has been all sorts of crazy. It's a miracle I'm even alive at this point. But it's December again and I'm writing to you again. I can't believe it's been a year, so much has happened, so much has changed. I've grown and become a different me than I was last year. 

I'm so glad it's December. I love the chill in the air and the sweaters that come with the gloomier days (although it's always sunny in SoCal). I've been waiting to start my letters to you for a while and I'm so glad to start again. December, you are my favorite month. It's busy yes, with finals and apps to worry about, but there's a certain lightheartedness, a happiness that only really comes out when it's a little colder and Christmas lights up. 

There are so many people that don't like winter. They think it's too harsh, too deadly even. I love it though. I love the dark, long nights. I even can see the beauty in the bear tree's. I think Winter is a time of peace, of reflection, of dreaming. Even as the year draws to a close I can feel myself excited to make the most of the end of 2015.

I've been thinking a lot about the future, or rather fearing it.With one batch of college apps in and another in the works I can't help but wonder how different my life will look like a year from now. I haven't been able to appreciate the time I have because I'm to busy worried about all the "what ifs". To be honest I'm a little scared. Mostly i'm excited about going to college and growing more as a person and student, I can't help but be apprehensive and nervous.I spend so much time thinking about the tomorrows that I feel like I've lost a few of my todays. I want to appreciate them more, especially since it's December, the final chapter of this year.

I guess this letter is more of a mess than I anticipated. But December, I want you to know that i'm excited about what this month will bring. I might be nervous and stuff but I think I can put that aside long enough to enjoy the things I love about this month. Like the hot tea and blankets; the sweaters and scarves; the jolly warmth of coming home after a cold day out; the laughter that comes with playing in rain. 

It's nice to see you,

Dear Students,

I'm not ready.

I am in no way ready for school to start. I'm sure you all feel the same way. I'm sure we're all still recovering from last year, I know I am. I'm not ready for the stress, anxiety, tears, frustrations this year will bring.

Sometimes I think that all the bad stuff outweigh the good parts of school, but then I'll hang out with my friends and we'll have a great time, then I think maybe it isn't so bad. High school is not going to be the best four years of your life. Most likely anyway.

High school is going to feel more like an audition for college. It's going to feel like too much all at once. I know that that's how it felt for me. I know its scary. I'm still scared. I am absolutely terrified of my senior year of high school. I'm scared about not getting into the "right" college. I'm scared about messing up in the last home stretch. I'm scared that maybe everything I've done isn't enough. I think the last part scares me the most.So to my fellow seniors, we can do this, we can survive it. We're almost done. We've had a 100% survival rate so far. College apps, crazy schedules, friend drama, it's all survivable. I have to remind myself of that. So I'm reminding you of that. Because sometimes all we need is someone to tell us that we can. And trust me you can do this. Don't let stats get you down, don't let grades make you feel like your less of a person. You are you. That can't be defined with numbers and grades. My advice to you, and myself, is that you are in charge of your life so take control and steer yourself where you want to go. Don't let someone tell you that you can't do something. Don't let people tear you down, or try and tell you what you should do. At the end of the day your the one who has to live with the life you create, so create an awesome one. Don't apologize for making choices that make you happy and will help keep you happy for years to come.

 Maybe you're scared about starting high school, maybe you're scared about taking your first AP class, maybe you're scared about making new friends, maybe you're scared about not fitting in, maybe you're scared of disappointing someone. Let me tell you right now that no matter what your anxious about, you'll survive it. It might suck for a really long time.But that doesn't mean you won't survive, you will and you will go on to better things. If you stay organized, you can survive AP classes. If you work your butt off, you will get the grades you deserve. If you put yourself out there, chances are you will meet people who are like you. Don't be angry or sad if you don't find people at first or if you can't find a "real group" of friends. You'll find your people eventually. Try some new things, you might be surprised at where your happiest. That's the other thing, surround yourself with good people.

You'll need good friends, not flaky unreliable people, in your corner. If you don't fit in because your "weird" or "nerdy", fuck everybody else. You just need to be yourself and happy in your skin. High school sucks, its terrible, but don't let the people and the place force you to change. The things people might think are "uncool" now, are the eccentricities someone else with think are awesome, are the things that will make you stand out. After all who wants to be boring carbon copy, leading a boring, vanilla life? Not me. If there's one thing I wish I could have told myself as a freshman is that "You will survive and be okay. Maybe even better than okay". So i'll tell you guys that. Somewhere down the line you'll realize that you turned out okay and that your life will turn out okay too.

Mental illness is a thing that a lot of people struggle with. I can't count how many people have talked to be about depression, anxiety, suicidal thoughts, etc. They were all afraid to talk about it and I hate that they felt so afraid to talk about it because of the stigma attached to it. Mental illness is a disease. Not something to run away from, or pretend doesn't exist. From my experience music is a great help when things suck and when they don't. It's okay to have bad days, and sometimes your going to have more bad days than good ones. It sucks but remember that the sun at some point will come out and because you've survived dark nights, scary nights, lonely nights, you will appreciate the sun. Talk to someone if you can, and if you don't have someone, talk to me. If not there are plenty of online resources that will help you out: 7 Cups of Tea, IMAlive.

School will most likely get crazy. The people in it are little bit bonkers. And that's okay. But this year I want all of you to take care of yourselves and remember to make yourselves a priority amidst all the chaos. I know I'm going to make more of an effort to do that this year. I always start these open letters with an idea of what I want to say but then I write them and the just end up being mini rambles. As per usual this is also all over the place, but I really want to wish you guys luck this year.

Here's what I've learned from surviving three years of the crazy jungle that is high school

• It's not worth it to be "cool"
• Don't apologize for who you are but accept when you are in the wrong.
• Don't be afraid to make mistakes and try new things. 
• Put the work into school. It's your ticket out and your key to open doors to places you want to go. 
• Education is one thing that no one will be able to take away from you. Take advantage of your classes and learn as much as humanly possible. 
• Playlists will be the soundtrack of your experiences. 
• Being alone is not a bad thing. It's important to know how to be alone. 

Remember that some days are going to suck, but hold on to the ones that are amazing. Pay attention to the moments you feel on top of the world. Those are the ones that count. Remember and enjoy the little things because those small details can make your memories and life all the more richer. Keep in mind that education is important even if you decide not to go to college ( and if you do want to go to college it's helpful to start looking into the application process early).

Here's to us. Here's to a new school year. Lets be awesome and kick ass this school year.


Stay Gold,

Dear Matt Murdock,

Maybe it's the fact that it's midnight.

 Maybe it's the fact that I just rewatched Daredevil. Maybe it's the moody, sad music I'm listening to. Maybe it's just me. But I've been thinking a lot about how everyone has different sides to them. Some ugly, some beautiful, some annoying, some vaguely racist, some naive, and some dark. You struggled to find the good in the things you did because the law told you it wasn't good. You struggled to see yourself as hero because it was hard to see the good in a pretty much grey world. What you did was a felony. Evil some might say. But knowing the full story, I know better, I know that despite your bloody fists, your broken body, the devils inside you, that you are good. I know that because of who you fight for. I know that things get messy and nothing is ever really black and white, but just because you live in a messy world doesn't mean your a mess. I'm not saying you're perfect, what I'm saying is you a good person.

I'm at a point in my life where I have to figure shit out. I have to know things about who I am and who it is I want to become. I have to choose which side of me to act on. But the things it's so hard to figure that out when one minute I'm the angsty, angry teen, the next a full fledged adult (maybe I'm being a little dramatic). One minute I'm fine then next I'm freaking out about all the tomorrows to come. But what i've figured out in these couple weeks of summer is that just because I'm unsure about things, about who I am, the road I'm going to take, my hair, my everything, that doesn't make me a mess. It makes me a person. Not unlike you. I mean you tried to avoid becoming this badass vigilante for such a long time. You fought to ignore the cries of your beloved city until you couldn't. And you discovered this new side of you. A side you probably repressed. A side you were afraid to ever explore. Now you're battling with morality, your morality. Because sometimes you let the devil out and you wonder if that makes you a devil or a hero. It's a fuzzy line not gonna lie, but I don't think you are bad. I think It takes more than some questionable moral decisions to make someone bad. I mean we all make some sketchy choices at one point or another.

I'm not entirely sure where I'm going with this but I think what I'm trying to say is that I want to be a good person. And I'm worried about tomorrow. And I know you don't have everything figured out, I mean no one ever really does, you know, but you know yourself. I want that. You might not know where you fit, but you know who you are. You are Matt Murdock. You are an avocado at law. You are a badass, masked, vigilante.

Most people know what it's like to pretend. Pretend to be happy, pretend to be okay, pretend to be someone else. But you're on a whole different level of pretending. You legit have this whole other life filled with danger and chaos and hurt. I'm not trying to romanticize that life either because like Claire said martyrs always end up alone and bloody. But you chose this because you love Hell's Kitchen.You fall and get back up again, so determined to do what needs to be done to help the people you love and the city that you call home. I love that quote, the one you and your dad have, "It's not how you hit the mat, but how you get up".

I feel like right now for me, this quote is just perfect.  I feel like everything is happening too fast. Too many punches are being dealt out and I just can't block them all. Which means I find myself on my ass a lot. Maybe it's because I feel like my SAT score needs work. Maybe it's because I have course work I'm working on now. Maybe it's my "raging" teenage hormones. Maybe its some of the people around me. It's probably all of the above. I'm working on staying up. On just holding my ground. I need to remember that I have to get up and move on and just deal with life instead of holding pity parties for myself. I think thats something most people have to work on. It's human nature to be selfish and thus want to feel bad for ourselves. That's why we need to learn a thing or two from you, from Foggy, from Karen, from Ben, from Claire. We get up and fight some more. You have slightly bigger demons than me but you know the SAT is one giant monster.

Anyways Matt, I don't think this is going to be my last letter to you, I'm pretty sure you and I are going to be venting buddies, deep thought sharing people, or something like that. So thanks. Thanks for showing to me that life is going to shove some shit in my way, I'm going to get lost, I'm going to end up losing matches, I'm going to feel alone, but none of that matters as long as I remember that I can get over my obstacles, I can use a map, I can get up from the mat ten times stronger and all the wiser, and that being alone isn't the end of the world but that if i'm lonely I have every right to ask for help, to reach out. I have different sides of me. I choose to be good like you choose to be a hero. Our bad sides don't make us devils, they make us human. So thanks for that Murdock.

Love,

Dear Clarke Griffin,

      I take so many things in my life for granted. 

       The air I breath, the water I drink, the fact I never have to worry about where my next meal is coming from. You grew up on the Ark a ruthless place filled with stale air and rough people. You didn't get to experience Earth until you were sent here to pretty much die. And since then that's exactly what you've been trying to avoid. You are brave and kind and like Lexa said, a leader to fight for. You helped keep your people alive, even if that meant getting put in harms way, or giving up bits and pieces leaving you a little bloody and a little broken. I'm lucky. I got to have a childhood. I got a chance to be a kid and run around, be crazy, play pretend, not have a care in the world. I might have grown up too fast, but I never had the weight of countless lives on my shoulders.

        You know there's a part in a letter where you ask the other person how life is, how they are holding up. I already know the answer to both. You are afraid, anxious, worried about the war. Maybe even thinking about what to do about Lexa. Because underneath it all you're still a teenager, you're still allowed to think about things that may seem small at a time when spears and stuff are being shot at you. Everyone in your life is about to go into war, so i'm guessing they are also scared, and anxious. I can't help but think of what Bellamy said while back, "Who we are, and who we need to be to survive are very different things". There was a lot of sacrifice, particularly on your part to get to this point, to be able to win this war. I want to say something really cliche like it'll get better, you'll be stronger for it. And while they may be true I feel like you deserve more than an "it's okay" after what you've been through.

        You're one years older than me yet you are so much wiser and stronger than I could ever hope to be. You never asked to be a leader, but perhaps that's what makes you such a good one. You said recently that life should be about more than surviving. Amazing how things like war can put life into perspective. How frail and ephemeral it all is. You've been living in a perpetual state of war, fighting the grounders, fighting to live, and now a new war is here. I hope you find something that makes you happy because at the end of all the craziness, the battles, and the the gory moments of life, you want happiness. So if you find it I say hold on to it. 

        I wrote this this in math class. I mean who needs Calculus anyways? You would be in school right now. Maybe you'd be in college, trying to become a doctor like your mom. Instead you are making decisions that make you out to be ruthless while trying to save your people. I think you are bad-ass. Strange how in this world we still can't quite stomach equality between men and women, yet in yours there is equality and the chance for strong bad-ass women to be leaders. I guess what i'm trying to say is that you are someone we can look up to, respect. 

       The world today is crazy. The world you live in is even more so. Yet the battles seem to be similar sometimes. We all fight for love, hope we can find a friend we can rely on 24/7. We look for the happy moments in life. We try to do more than survive, we try to find reasons to live for and then proceed to try and be alive. It's nice to be able to relate to you. It's nice to see someone be so strong and move forward. So keep being a bad-ass.

Love,

Blogtober: Dear Future Me,

I'm studying for my Unit 2 Psychology exam tomorrow. I'm so tired I think its quite possible i'll keel over at any point and just start sleeping. Today has pretty much just been about school and the art of being tired yet lucid enough to learn. I've often day dreamed about the future in class. I've dreamt up how my life would look ten years from now and to be quite honest it changes every time. When I was little 26 year old me seemed so old and so distant I couldn't even really imagine myself that age. Now it's still far away but I have this vague sense of what might have happened and how far I am from my goal, my dream, the reason I try in school right now.

I've imagined myself in New York, yet I've also daydreamed myself in L.A, sometimes even in England. By now you probably graduated from university so Congrats!! You are now the third person in our immediate family to go and graduate from college! I bet you Mom cried. And i bet because you saw her cry, you cried, and because you cried various other people cried. And suddenly there were happy tears everywhere! At least that's how I pictured it. You might be frequenting cafe's, relishing in independence, or maybe you're visiting mom every other weekend because you miss the food. Both of which your 16 year old self is okay with. Maybe you're already a published author, Maybe you're still struggling, in which case KEEP TRYING. Dreams don't work if you don't. Happiness is a journey not a destination. Okay i'm done being a Hallmark card for now.

I hope you have a better sense of what you're doing because i'm not really sure what i'm doing with my life half the time. Maybe it's because I need time to see how important High School is or something but sometimes I swear I feel so very lost. I know what I want it's just that getting there is hard and sometimes I lose sight of my end goal and just meander my way down the path. Maybe this being lost thing is just an angsty teen thing. Or maybe it's not. Guess only time will tell. And maybe you already know.

I guess it almost be time for the high school reunion huh? Bet you're feeling old right now. Time to get all nostalgic about high school and the people we know/knew.Its bittersweet knowing that in a couple years the chances of me actually retaining the friendships I have now are slim. Eventually they will be people in pictures, people laughing in my memories. But that will be that. I'm pretty sure you're feeling old right now. I hope I get to find new people. And I hope I still keep some of my old peeps.

So my question to you, future me, is would 16 year old me be happy with you? Are you making me proud? Are you still as cheesy as I am? Reading YA as fervently? Still into indie music? Maybe as you're reading this you're listening to my old high school playlists. Amazing just how much a song can be. It can be part of memories and feelings and action.  I've always wanted to grow up to be a strong, independent, girl with dreams bigger than the moon, yet making them come true. That's who i'm working on being. I think I saw somewhere on tumblr a quote that read "be the person you needed when you were younger". Are you that person?

The big thing, the most important thing, is knowing that i'm happy. That somewhere down the line I find that invigorating happiness that comes from being alive and letting life engulf you. And that, that happiness is around me all the time. Not that i'm not happy now, but it's hard to think happy thoughts when all you can think of is a)how tired you b)how hard your test is and c)will this look good on college apps. In between that it's hard to actually let life just work it's magic and make me feel all warm and fuzzy. I do have happy moments though and they'v been pretty awesome. Their just a little harder to come by. Then again it's junior year. That's just what happens.  I just hope that me working now, and me working 5 years down the line, will work in getting you happy. To the place we both know I want to be in.

Maybe happy means that i'm not where i'd thought i'd be. Maybe it means i'm somewhere random. Maybe it means that i'm working two jobs. Maybe that means i'm not published. Maybe it means I am. What ever it is I hope I'm happy. And if I find someone to be happy with too, that even more awesome.

So go be happy future me. Go be you. Go do whatever it is you do with your day. Or go do some crazy shit! Drink some tea, have some coffee. Maybe do something spontaneous like go visit Alaska!

Hosted by The Daily Tay and Helene in Between

Love Always,

Dear Cole St. Clair

     It's currently past midnight. And I'm awake thinking about you and Isabel and wolves. And strangely enough I want some french toast and a mug filled with chamomile tea. I'm actually really tired and kind of want to sleep, yet I don't feel like surrendering today yet. I think you'd get that. So I decided that I would write you a letter, because I think you of all people will understand my midnight ramblings and because I just finished Sinner and you're on my mind.
     How's Jeremy? And Isabel? Leon? You know I've been thinking, I've lived so close to L.A and yet I haven't seen much of it. Maybe I should take your advice and become a tourist in my own city. After all, how else am I going to see it's pretty facade. I'll keep you posted. I'm listening to High Hopes by Kodaline right now. I think I have a serious thing for sad and depressing songs. But I think you'd like it. It's sad and it's got the melancholy hum that just draw you in. There's no booming bass or synth beats, just some drums, piano and a yearning voice.
      Weird how active your brain can be, even after the whole worlds fast asleep. I'm kind of waiting for some deep thoughts to happen, but my brain is stuck on food and you. Mostly food. This is the moment I wish my house didn't have suck creaky, squeaky floors.
      I know I've said this before, but characters are the voices that bring color in our minds. I read somewhere that sometimes you can even start acting like your favorite characters. I can seriously say that I've channeled my inner Cole St Clair this week. I've been sassy, witty, and been a little sad. I think part of the reason I love you so much, why I connect with you so much, is because you're fucked up and you're trying to fix yourself. For some reason, this week, reading this book I feel a little happy if not a little hopeful. You're trying to put the pieces back together and they might be a little ragged but they're there. And I love you for trying and making it happen. I see you and Isabel working so hard to be happy and be yourselves that it makes me want to try harder too. I'm rooting for you. I hope you're rooting for me too. So thanks for reminding me that it's okay to be sad, to cry, and to be a little messed up. *hugs you*
       I know you probably think this whole letter is a little cheesy, bit random, but hopefully a little endearing and nice. I have this picture of you in my head after your parents came back running away into your bathroom wanting to die. Saying you were born to die. I know you're happy now running out of cars while on the freeway, hanging out with the always fashionable Isabel, and doing music stuff. So for me, as a reader, to watch you go from a very low low to a happy ending, was a happy thing.
      I love how you made me laugh and cry and feel everything imaginable. I got a lot of weird looks in class whenever I laughed so i'm pretty sure people think i'm a little crazy. But that's all right, I was a little bit crazy before I read Sinner. Probably more than a little. So tomorrow i'm going to make myself some french toast and some tea. Shame you and Isabel won't be there with me. I make some killer french toast :).
     So this is it Mr. Cole St. Clair, this is the end of my ramblings. I'm not going to bed yet, but I think I've said all I need to write now. Maybel i'll write you another letter. Maybe this'll be the only one I ever write to you.  I just want to say I love you, keep on being crazy, and stay happy.

What did you guys think of this letter? About Cole St. Clair? 

Love, 

Dear Students,

      School. For a lot of people the word alone is enough to make us upset, angry, nervous. I get nervous. I'm about to be a junior and i can't tell you how nerve wreaking it is to even think about what school is going to be like this year. This is the year that counts the most. The year that I'm betting everything on. And if it doesn't go well i can kiss going to my dream college goodbye. Maybe I sound melodramatic and whatever but the thing is there is so much pressure on every student to do well, because college. And it's crazy to think that we're living our teen years in our room, locked away from the world outside because we have tests and projects and let's not forget the drama the inevitably comes with having friends.For my brother, he's going into high school with no friends, and that's tough. I went through it and it's not something i would wish on anyone. But you're never the new kid for long, and you will find a good group of people you like or at least can tolerate.
       It's a lot for anyone but we deal with it because we have to. I know that school sucks sometimes and it's stressful 99% of the time. I just wanted to let you know that it's okay to stress cry and have panic attacks and freak out. I know what it's like to feel like your drowning and your stuck and oh so lost. I get it and it's a terrible feeling. I'm sure you've been through it to. Let me just tell you this. If you honestly feel like this, then please stop what your doing and please take care of yourself. One bad grade isn't going to define you, one mistake isn't going to hold you back unless you let it. You have to remember that even when you feel like the ground is coming apart at your feet that you are more that whatever is going on at school. You are who you want to be. School plays a part in you life but it doesn't define you. If it's one in fucking morning and your tired and your sad go eat chocolate, or sleep, or read. Do something for you because trust me as important as school is, your health and well being is more important. Remember that for me.
       High school sucks and it's not something the majority of us look forward to. But  please try. It'll all be worth it when your doing what you want to do with you life. And if you don't know what it is you want to do, it's okay. I'm about to get cheesy. Not that I have't been cheesy, but i'm admitting it right now. Life is about molding yourself into what you want. I sound like a walking hallmark card, but it's true. I hope that you understand that everything you do helps build your character. If you mess up, you learn to not mess up so bad next time, if your sad, then you learn how to cope. If you try new things, who knows you might discover you like apple pie more than a vanilla cupcake. So try everyday, because you can't regret it. The worst that can happen is a bad day.  Also don't let anyone make you feel bad because your bad day isn't as bad as someone else because you will still feel the way you feel regardless. Every one has their own problems so respect that you might not always know what someone else is going through. And in the words of the very wise Eeyore"The nice thing about rain is that it always stops. Eventually".
      For those of us who don't like school because of the people there, just remember that at the end of the day their words are just words. Don't give those horrible utterances power, because the words or the people who say it don't deserve. If it helps, remember that they will probably serve you fries in the future. Or better yet you'll have such a great life after high school you won't even remember their names. Embrace your weirdness. My sister told me that your weirdness is ultimately what makes you, you and not just another carbon cut out of what everyone else wants to be. So be you. And if you like wearing all black, go for it, if you like having hot pink hair, go for it, if you like girls, awesome, if you like boys, awesome, if you have no idea, you'll figure it out I promise. Real family and true friends will love you for whoever it is you are and will accept you regardless.
     I probably sound like dramatic or over the top, but the thing is I know so many people who just hate school and hate what comes with it and all i want is to help or let you know that no matter what you need to put yourself first and be good to yourself. For me I have really bad panic attacks, and I have to deal with it every day. Granted that has to do more with me than with school, but school doesn't help. And i just figured that if somehow someone read this and was like "i get this" and feel better about themselves or things they've done than I've done something good. Whether you feel nervous or angry or lost or unsure or whatever it is your feeling its okay because somehow things will work out. You will make things work out for you. So yeah.
       All in all good luck to you, my friend. Be awesome and be who you are because you can be. It's that simple. people just like to complicate things. So study hard, take care of yourself, and have a good school year and remember you will survive and you can do this!

All the best,