"Give into love or live in fear. No other path. No other way. No day but today". I watched Rent the other day. If you haven't seen it I highly recommend it. It's on netflix. Its amazing. And if you like Rent you'll like The Normal Heart, it's heartbreaking, but so good.
Anyways, for me summer is a blur of late nights, netflix, books, and unfortunately this summer i've added college apps and summer assignments. FUN! *she said sarcasm dripping from her voice onto honey coated shards of glass*. So in my life as a studious student and lazy bum i've realized that I haven't done too much living. Like I have maybe a handful of decent stories to tell my grandkids about. I want to just be open and be able to love my life, myself, and the people I surround myself with.At the end of the day I don't think anyone could ask for more than that. And right now I have to change my attitude from one of fear to one of love and happiness. I don't mean to sound like a hallmark card or anything, but I feel like because of my anxious persona I focus on the negatives of life, of people, of myself. I prepare for the worst and never expect the best. I need to change that because living in a constant state of nerves, fear, and negativity is poisonous and will ultimately stop me from living my life, from taking the steps necessary to make sure I take myself down a road I want to go down. That being said, i'm not going to abandon all my fear, after all a little bit is healthy, safe even. What I need to focus on is letting people in, letting myself be more open, and learn to love where i'm at. After All you're only 17 once.
I like to make plans. I schedule my day out so that I make sure I get done what needs to get done.That's not the worse way to live but I need to get my head out of dreams of yesterday and visions of tomorrow and focus on what I have right in front of me. I think a lot of people are like that. Forgetting that this moment in time exists. Some are too focused an what the future will bring, or what you can procrastinate and make a future problem. Others look backwards so much they are constantly running into things and falling on their ass. I seem to share both of these problems. Rent tought me that happiness isn't found in what your life is, what it's made up of, so much as what you do with it. So you might not have much, but that doesn't mean you can't have fun, make memories, or be happy, just like being rich doesn't guarantee those things. But if you use what you have, enjoy it and just do you, and love you, then you are solid. So yeah. This today we all should try to live in today, be open, and work toward happiness by loving ourselves, our lives, and the people who we're close too.And if you're not happy where you're at in life you need to actively be working to change that, and If you're not happy around certain people, then maybe it's time for some feelings talks or even some goodbyes. I guess what I want to say is that we need to stop living in the shadows because fear taught us to be afraid of the light.
Stay Gold,
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